The Last Lager Waltz

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TALKING BIT...
Is this bloody thing on?
If I can have your attention please, uh,
Gentlemen would you like to select your partners for the last dance
of the evening, thank you.
INTRO G , G G G D D D G G G , G
G             C                      G
I'm tryin' to waltz and I can't even walk,
G                                      D
I'm wrecked I'm a mess and, can hardly talk,
    G                      C
Two steps to the south and three to the north,
D                    G      G D G
Doin' the last lager waltz.
G                      C       G
Saturday night and I'm legless again,
G                               D
A bottle of bundy and two dozen cans,
    G                           C
But the hoonin' and boozin' are nearin' an end,
          D                      G      Em
And we're down to the last lager waltz.
D                           G
One two three one two three *burp*
G                 D
Excuse me please, thought it was a fart,
C         D          G     G D G
doin' the last lager waltz.
G                              C          G
Better go for a slash 'for the end of the dance,
G                                            D
Then again I might sit here and just piss me pants,
      G                         C
But I done that already so I'll go to the gents
          D                         G      Em
While the band plays the last lager waltz.
D                            G
One two three one two three, (aaaaggghhh!)
G            D                                       G
Wrong dunny, you meet some nice sheilas sometimes,.. at the last
            G D G
lager waltz.
G                              C           G
I'm back from out back and I'm back in the hall,
G                                     D
But everyone's starin' as I cross the floor,
       G                       C
Better zip meself up before he catches a cold,
        D                      G      Em
And get on with the last lager waltz.
D                            G
One two three one two three, now you get in there,
G           D
Please, and pull yer head in
          C         D          G     G D G
while I'm doin' the last lager waltz.
G                         C         G
Just settled down but I'm off again quick,
G                                           D
And head back out back, 'cause I'm gonna be sick,
           G                           C
The room's spinnin' and turnin an' I'm feeling like shit
    D                       G     Em
I'm chucking the last lager waltz.
D                             G
One two three one two three, (CRASH !)...Jeez !
D                              G
Don't step on the pies and the cakes
       D          G     G D G
in the last lager waltz.
G                          C           G
I can't recall how but I'm here in the yard,
G                     D
Oops sorry mate did I chuck on your car?
  G                           C
I really didn't think I could chunder that far,
       D                              G      Em
That's pretty good for the last lager waltz.
D                             G
One two three one two three, (thump!)
G          D
He hit me! you shouldn't drink if you get nasty
                  G      G D G
at the last lager waltz.
G                            C          G
I'm tryin' to crawl 'cause I can't even walk,
G                              D
Me mouth is all swollen and me ribs are all sore,
G                          C
I've never had,  this much fun before
     D                       G      Em
It's great at the last lager waltz.
D
One two three one two three,
G                       D
Think I'll go to sleep, yes curl up right here and dream of the last
      G      G D G
lager waltz.
G                          C          G
I'm tryin' to waltz, and I can't even walk,
G                              D
I'm wrecked, I'm a mess and me lips are all sore,
    G                      C
Two steps to the south, and three to the north,
          D                    G      G G G D D D G G G , G
And we're doin' the last lager waltz. (O U T R O .........!)