Frozen Lullaby

Tabbed by: Sophie
CAPO ON 2ND FD T
       C                        G7
When a man doesn’t love a woman very very much
   G7                                 C
He signs away his paternal rights and jizzes in a cup
          C                 G7
Then with lots of money and scientific genius
G7                    C
Hormones, pain and of course, um... Jesus
    C
The process begins the way god intended
Am
With a transvaginal ultrasound
       F
With a wand longer than a ukulele
        G
When it comes out of my body, it makes this sound (pop)
  C
I give myself daily intradermal injections
Am
An acute blood thinner and estrogen concurrence
F
Cryopreservation through hormonal activation
    G
And none of it’s covered by insurance
                 Am               G
Then I’m knocked out and you’re removed
       C                       F
And combined with a stranger’s come
           F
And as the saying goes You win some,
    G
you lose some
    C
And then you’re frozen until I’m certain
     Am
It’s time to unthaw you into a person
F
Then you’ll expire or you’ll make the grade
    G                                       C
And that, my darling, that’s how babies are made
        Am     F  G        C    Am    F    G
(It’s so easy    and natural)
CHORUS 1:
C               Am
Hush little egg baby don’t say a word
F                          G        C      Am   F  G
Mama’s gonna freeze you til she gets rich
    C             Am
And when that day finally arrives
F                      G
You’ll be constructed in a petri dish
     D
With sperm donor 8w6-3
    G
The silent partner of our family
   C                    Am
So hush little egg baby don’t be sad
F              G                    C     Am    F   G
Just because I never fucked your dad
VERSE 2:
  C
I know there are orphans everywhere
        Am
But I’m going to pretend that isn’t real
      F
Don’t look at me like that just cause I admit it
G
You had kids and you knew the deal
C
Yeah I feel guilty about overpopulation
    Am
And ruining the environment for forever
     F
But Osama Bin Laden had 20 kids
  G
So fuck you or whatever
            Am                 G
Sadly procreation is not a meritocracy
               C                   F
And we need to prevent a real life Idiocracy
          F
Though it may be the ultimate form of narcissism
     G
It’s also a way to re-reverse reverse Darwinism
  C
I want all the stuff I don’t need a bucket list
   Am
It doesn’t make me greedy it just makes me feminist
F
Now I’m thinking back through all the guys I’ve dated
G                                           C
If they heard this song they’d fucking hate it
        Am     F  G        C    Am    F    G
(It’s so easy    and natural)
CHORUS 2:
C                 Am
Hush little egg baby don’t you cry
F                        G           C   Am   F   G
You’ll have the best genes mommy can buy
  C             Am
I don't want to wait till I get in dire straights
   F                                  G
My friends say if I want kids I should go out on some dates
          D
But these working bitches don't have time to leave it to the fates
    G
The world deserves more Riki's and the world deserves more Kate's
   C                    Am
So hush little egg baby dads are overrated
   F                 G              C    Am    F   G
He did what mattered when he masturbated
BRIDGE:
C                    G7
Hush little egg baby just hold firm
G7                     C
Mama’s gonna buy you designer sperm
    C                       G7
And if that sperm gives you random traits
G7                     C
Mama’s gonna test your dna
    C                   G7
And if your dna doesn’t make things clear
G7                        C
Mama’s gonna just have to live in fear
C                      G7
And if that fear turns into guilt
G7                     C
Mama’s gonna hold onto what we built
         C                    G7
And if I hold too tight as to suffocate
     G7                            C
I’ll buy you lots of things to overcompensate
    C                          G7
And if that overcompensation’s too transparent
         G7                           C
I’ll pretend it’s somehow better with no male parent
    C                  G7
And if you say but mom who’s my dad
G7                             C
I’ll say I don’t know and it’s just too bad
    C                       G7
And if that badness forms a hole in your heart
     G7                            C
I’ll want to make it up to you but won’t know where to start
     C                             G7
I’ll probably start by saying it’s just you and me
            G7                 C
And there’s no such thing as a normal family
   C                           G7
So fuck being normal and let’s do this shit
G7                                           C
Momma’s gonna freeze you til she... gets.... rich